


Fly, Lark, Fly

by nerdyydragon



Series: Kingsman Tumblr Ficlets [77]
Category: Kingsman (2014), Kingsman (2015), Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyydragon/pseuds/nerdyydragon
Summary: When Harry first finds out about Eggsy's less than platonic emotions, he plans on having a calm, rational discussion. Eggsy, in his fear, completely avoids both Harry AND the conversation, and both are hurting as a result. (Roxy, like the good friend she is, is having approximately none of it.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer*  
> I'm also not entirely happy with the way the final scene works (It feels rushed and weird but that was also how it worked to begin with, and none of my attempts at rewriting it made it any better - in fact, they made it worse, so thank goodness I saved the original ending), so I apologize.

Eggsy blew the man below him a kiss as he planted one shoe on a ladder rung and hung on tightly as his helicopter ascended, the London cityscape dropping quickly into a blur as they went higher and further away. Clutching the vial he held tightly in his other hand, he gave the signal to pull him up and in a short span he was sitting inside the helicopter. Roxy sat inside, giving him her best “that was rather good but I’m trying not to be impressed” face.

“Do you always have to be so cheeky?” She asked as he slid the door closed and buckled himself in, stowing the vial carefully in a suitcase filled with dense foam. They weren’t sure what the contents of the little glass bottle were, only that it could potentially be dangerous, and nobody wanted to take any chances. “Honestly, it comes off as you flirting with anything that has a beating heart. What would Harry say?”

Eggsy’s self-satisfied grin dimmed. He and Harry were still tense around each other after the older man had come back from the dead, and especially so after he found out that Eggsy harboured feelings that weren’t strictly professional (Eggsy denied having any part in making it awkward by immediately bolting after the man had brought it up, muttering out a sheepish apology and then not sticking around for the inevitable gentle let-down). He wasn’t looking forward to the post-mission briefing with the man, though luckily he would have Roxy as a buffer. It was hard enough seeing the man everyday at work, nothing more than a pass in the hallway, but being in a confined room with him was the worst kind of torture. Eggsy could never muster up the strength to look him in the eye, afraid of the disgust he knew he would see there, the knowledge that he had single-handedly destroyed one of the best things that had ever happened to him with this annoying thing called  _ feelings _ . He looked out of the window in an attempt to escape the conversation, but in the dark all he could see were their reflections.

“Doesn’t matter what Harry says. He’s not here, is he?” Roxy sighed.

“You know what I mean, Eggsy.”

“So do you.” In the glass, Eggsy could see Roxy’s expression harden.

“Talk to him. Please? Both Merlin  _ and  _ I are at our breaking points, watching the two of you mope like moody teenagers.” Eggsy raised an eyebrow. “Harry is just as upset by you cutting him off as you are by your idiotic reasons for doing it. According to Merlin, when he isn’t just staring blankly at your chair in the dining room at headquarters when he really should be doing paperwork, he’s in the gym hitting things so hard you would have thought the punching bag had insulted his mother.” Eggsy snorted, but otherwise didn’t reply. Roxy slumped back in her seat. “That’s it, I’m done with this. When we get back to the manor I am going to make the two of you talk about this, even if I have to shove you both in a closet.” The rest of the flight was silent, aside from the whirring of the helicopter blades and the announcement from their pilot that they would be landing soon.

\-----

“Well, then if that  _ is _ all, then I suppose the case can go down to research and development for testing.” Harry said, shuffling the papers into a neat pile and sticking them into a file to be put in the cabinet, casting a worried glance at Eggsy, who was studying his shoes and refusing to look at him. “Unless there was something else?” Roxy looked at Merlin, who nodded, and with a tap on his keyboard the door to Arthur’s office locked with an audible click. Crossing her legs at the knee and folding her hands, Roxy opened her mouth.

“As a matter of fact, sir, there is. Though it doesn’t pertain to the mission - unfortunately it  _ is  _ going to come across as rather unprofessional, but please understand that both Merlin and I have your best interests at heart. Both of you.” Harry’s eyebrows knit together, trying to make sense of what she was saying, while Eggys looked rather sick, and as though crawling under the table to die was a good course of action. “As one of his closest friends, I can say with utmost honesty that Eggsy, sometimes, acts before he thinks. And as his friend, I can tell you that often it is because he doesn’t want to hurt others.”

“Roxanne, please, I don’t understand.” His gaze never left Eggsy, whose well-being he was beginning to be rather worried about. “What are you trying to tell me?” She took a deep breath.

“I’m trying to tell you that Eggsy has gone more or less his whole life suppressing how he feels in order to keep other people from being uncomfortable around him, even at the expense of his own emotions. He’s hurting inside, and it’s because he blames himself.” Harry raised an eyebrow.

“He has absolutely nothing to blame himself for. I am in no way uncomfortable being around him.” Merlin coughed, hiding it behind his clipboard when Harry glared at him, though it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “There is nothing wrong with Eggsy and I don’t understand why he thinks there is.” Roxy’s foot bounced pointedly against Eggsy’s thigh, and he looked at her dully from where he was more or less trying to become one with his chair.

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it, Harry.” Eggsy’s throat worked around the name; it was the first time he had uttered it aloud since the last time the two of them had spoken privately, and that had been over three months ago. “You can just say it. I’m fine with it, really.” Eggsy’s voice was quiet, hardly more than a whisper. Harry got up from his chair and walked around the desk, kneeling in front of Eggsy, who by this point looked less ill and more as though he was a cornered animal.

“Roxanne, Merlin, if you would kindly leave us please?” Harry didn’t move, didn’t say a word, until the room’s other two occupants were gone and the door had locked again behind them. “Eggsy, you are the kindest, warmest, most beautiful person I have ever met. Why on earth would you think, even just for a moment, that I wouldn’t want to spend every possible second in your company?” His voice was soft, but his eyes showed that his heart was broken by all the times Eggsy had run from him.

“But you shouldn’t think that way, Harry. It’s not right,  _ I’m  _ not right.” Eggsy looked like he was going to be sick again, and Harry raised a hand to comfort him. Eggsy flinched. The words  _ ‘when you grow up around someone like my stepdad,’  _ rang in Harry’s head, and suddenly everything began to click into place.

“Eggsy, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are not wrong, you are not less, you are not  _ anything  _ your stepfather has made you believe about yourself. You are who you are supposed to be, and that person is by far the most sublime being I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Do you understand?” Eggsy nodded halfheartedly, and instead of trying to reach out again, Harry threaded his fingers through Eggsy’s. “You ran before I could explain myself. Was this why?”

“Wasn’t fair to you, to put something like that on you where I knew it wouldn’t be wanted. Didn’t want to,” Eggsy swallowed, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “Didn’t want to lose you. I care about you too much to ever hurt you like that.” Harry didn’t say a word, he simply guided Eggsy’s free hand into his hair and then rested his head against the man’s knee. He could feel him trembling.

“You aren’t hurting me by having feelings, Eggsy.” Silently, Harry catalogued all the ways he could make Dean Baker’s death as messy and as agonizing as possible. How many different ways he could prolong it, make him scream, beg for the release of death. How dare he make such a precious creature hate himself so much, that he would actually believe -

“But Rox said you were though. Hurting, that is. She said you were right angry about something. I thought maybe it was me.” From his place on the floor, Harry shook his head, and he could feel Eggsy’s fingers run through his hair with the motion.

“I was upset, yes, but only because you were hurting in ways that I didn’t understand. I couldn’t take it from you. I couldn’t help.” Lifting his head enough to meet Eggsy’s eyes, Harry tilted his head enough to brush a feather-light kiss over his wrist. “I wanted to tell you that you don’t have to hurt alone.” He must have done something wrong, because in the next moment he had been knocked backwards and Eggsy was scrambling out of his chair, overturning it in the process.

“Oh no, I’m wise to this. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing.” Harry had heard men die before. He had heard them force out their last words around mouthfuls of blood, hacking wet coughs as it filled their lungs and they clutched at their stomachs as if that could stop it. Eggsy sounded quite a lot like one of those people now. “I don’t want your pity, Harry. I’m not going to be someone you can take advantage of, someone you can just use, because I love you too much to be able to give you up.” The tears Eggsy had been holding back began to fall as he clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to prevent the words he had said from escaping. To keep Harry from hearing them.

Harry was in shock, almost slumping to the ground again from where he had managed to right himself. He knew that the care Eggsy had for him went beyond what everyone would assume it should be, and one look at the footage of Chester King’s death was more than enough proof. He had hoped that one day they might be able to progress beyond that, that he would have some concrete foundation for what seemed to be his own selfish mental wanderings in the early hours of the morning. But love? That was more than he could have asked for, more than he could have dreamed of. Harry stared at the young man, now standing a handful of feet away from him, crying steadily and trembling like a leaf, watching his stunned reaction.

“Don’t you see, Harry? This, right here, is why I never wanted you to know. Because I didn’t think I would be able to handle what comes next.” Harry blinked, and then motioned for Eggsy to come closer. Harry waited patiently and hardly even dared to breathe, not asking a second time, but leaving it up to him as to whether or not he would move. When he did, Harry made sure his movements were slow, once again placing a kiss to the inside of Eggsy’s wrist, more pointed this time than before.

“I promise you, Eggsy, that this isn’t a trick. I will spend every minute you let me showing you exactly how worthy you are of love, every minute doing nothing but caring for you.” Looking up at him, Harry continued. “I give you my word that so long as you want me by your side, I will never leave you. I will only go if you turn me away. One day you might. I know this.” Eggsy shook his head, still focused on the spot on his wrist where Harry had kissed him. “I’m much older than you, and I expect one day you will tire of me. But believe me when I tell you that even if you see fit to let go, to move on with your life, I will love you. Just as I have been.”

“You swear on your life?” Harry shook his head briefly.

“I swear it on yours, since it means more to me than my own.”

Eggsy’s knees couldn’t hold him any longer; they buckled, and he sunk down partially onto Harry’s lap, resting his head on the man’s shoulder. Harry’s arms wrapped snug around him, not unbreakable, but enough for Eggsy to know that he was planning on holding tight. One crossed his shoulders and the other tugged him in at the waist, and Eggsy clutched at the lapels on Harry’s suit jacket so desperately his fingers turned white. Harry placed a gentle kiss to the spot behind Eggsy’s ear, in their current position the only place he could feasibly reach, and slid his knees out from underneath them so he could sit properly.

“I love you.” He wanted the whole world to know it. He wanted to say it over and over again until Eggsy believed it, until it became instinct. Eggsy pulled at him harder. “I love you.”

“I know.” Eggsy’s shaking had finally subsided. There was still fear in his voice, as if he didn’t quite believe this was happening to him. “I love you.” The words tumbled out of his mouth with the ease of something said hundreds of times, and Harry ached at the loss of never having heard them himself. But he would have the chance to hear the next one.

“I know.”


End file.
